Internal dialogue is the term writers use for the thoughts that run through people's heads, revealing emotions, prejudices, states of mind, and reactions to external events. My current story has quite a bit of it, as the character thinks she is being haunted. She lives alone and talks to a friend she runs with on the beach every night, but much of the action takes place in her house.
I tend to prefer to put internal dialogue in third person so that it blends seamlessly with the narrative. Other writers (and readers) prefer that it be in first person and italicized. I'm going to give you an example and ask what you think.
Third person (the way I wrote it):
Amber strode to the door, pushed it shut, and locked both the knob and the deadbolt. She could call the police, but what would she tell them? That she thought she’d seen a ghost and her front door was open? She checked in closets, behind shower curtains, and any other place a person could hide but no bogeymen jumped out at her. Leaving the lights on, she went back to bed still clutching the flashlight.
First person, italics:
Amber strode to the door, pushed it shut, and locked both the knob and the deadbolt. I could call the police, but what would I tell them? That I thought I saw a ghost and my front door was open? She checked in closets, behind shower curtains, and any other place a person could hide but no bogeymen jumped out at her. Leaving the lights on, she went back to bed still clutching the flashlight.
Only now we have dialogue buried in the midst of description, which requires paragraph breaks:
Amber strode to the door, pushed it shut, and locked both the knob and the deadbolt.
I could call the police, but what would I tell them? That I thought I saw a ghost and my front door was open?
She checked in closets, behind shower curtains, and any other place a person could hide but no bogeymen jumped out at her. Leaving the lights on, she went back to bed still clutching the flashlight.
This is really disruptive, so I could take the internal dialogue out altogether:
Amber strode to the door, pushed it shut, and locked both the knob and the deadbolt. She checked in closets, behind shower curtains, and any other place a person could hide but no bogeymen jumped out at her. Leaving the lights on, she went back to bed still clutching the flashlight.
In my opinion, this version deprives the reader of valuable insight as to her state of mind.
Really, though, in the end, it boils down to personal preference. So, which of the three versions would YOU prefer?
Wednesday, September 4, 2013
Saturday, August 10, 2013
I want to be good, not published
Okay, I DO want to be published. Let's get that clear. But I want to be published well.
I've seen several new writers publish bad work and get excited about it. I admit, there is a definite thrill to seeing one's name in print, but in the long run it's going to hurt you to have crappy stuff out there on the Interwebz or even - gawd help us - printed on actual paper.
It reminds me of the guy who had a sandwich delivery business to our office last summer. He called himself The Deli Man and came to the second floor every day with a cart containing sandwiches and salads. The sandwiches were bland and soggy and the salads were composed of barely torn up pieces of romaine and huge chunks of veggies that were impossible to eat without cutting them up further. He expressed interest in feedback and I politely gave it to him, but did he change the way he did anything? No. That's just the way he does it, he said.
In addition, the variety of offerings never changed. Even those of my colleagues (including myself) who were willing to put up with sub-par fare in exchange for the convenience of delivery, got tired of eating the same thing every day. So his patronage dwindled. He got snippy, took his food and went home. No one noticed.
The same is true of any other product. If you want people's respect and continued interest, you have to give them something worth consuming.
So that's why I'm taking my time with my novel and future stories. I don't just want to be published. I want to be good.
I've seen several new writers publish bad work and get excited about it. I admit, there is a definite thrill to seeing one's name in print, but in the long run it's going to hurt you to have crappy stuff out there on the Interwebz or even - gawd help us - printed on actual paper.
It reminds me of the guy who had a sandwich delivery business to our office last summer. He called himself The Deli Man and came to the second floor every day with a cart containing sandwiches and salads. The sandwiches were bland and soggy and the salads were composed of barely torn up pieces of romaine and huge chunks of veggies that were impossible to eat without cutting them up further. He expressed interest in feedback and I politely gave it to him, but did he change the way he did anything? No. That's just the way he does it, he said.
In addition, the variety of offerings never changed. Even those of my colleagues (including myself) who were willing to put up with sub-par fare in exchange for the convenience of delivery, got tired of eating the same thing every day. So his patronage dwindled. He got snippy, took his food and went home. No one noticed.
The same is true of any other product. If you want people's respect and continued interest, you have to give them something worth consuming.
So that's why I'm taking my time with my novel and future stories. I don't just want to be published. I want to be good.
Saturday, July 27, 2013
A Meditative Silence
I've been rather quiet here, other than my celebrations of alcoholic strawberries (yay!). The divorce has been final for a couple months and summer is our busiest time at work, so between home and office I've been pretty frantic. Also, the South Jersey Writer's Group has completed a very successful Kickstarter campaign and we will be publishing not one but TWO more anthologies. One is yet to be named and the other will be Tall Tales and Short Stories from South Jersey Vol. II.
So I've been wrangling those ideas onto the page when I'm not working or lawn-mowing. My ex-husband was the king of the yard, so I never had to deal with spinning blades of death until now.
My son found this joke in his Boy's Life magazine:
Q: What is a perfect summer day?
A: The sun is shining, the birds are singing and the lawnmower is broken.
Today happens to be one of those perfect summer days. The lawn is already mowed and I am taking the day off for the beach. This is research as well, of course, as it's been a while since I experienced Ocean City. We've had a very rainy summer. Ginger's story is going to get written one of these days. I'm just not sure when or how.
This morning as I sat in bed drinking my coffee, in the peaceful quiet of my own house, I thought of how I can't stress out anymore about being the perfect mother, the perfect writer, the perfect employee, or the perfect neighbor whose lawn is always well-tended. God gave each of us a certain amount of physical and mental energy. There's only so much we can do. When I was younger, I could blaze through my Saturdays in a manic burst and get everything done. Now I need a nap. Sometimes two naps.
The amazing thing is... when things don't get done, the world doesn't fall apart the way I thought it would. That's partly because I have excellent bosses who know the workload is crazy and are willing to be flexible and even pitch in to help when necessary. Diane and Susan, I love you and I love working for you. It's also because without my ex, God bless him, every little tiny thing isn't a crisis any more.
God is blessing me, too. In little ways, every day I see His grace. There are things that need to change about our lives but I am able to trust the One who knows me best to help me make those changes. I'm waiting on His wisdom and insight.
I'm writing while I wait.
Have a lovely weekend!
So I've been wrangling those ideas onto the page when I'm not working or lawn-mowing. My ex-husband was the king of the yard, so I never had to deal with spinning blades of death until now.
My son found this joke in his Boy's Life magazine:
Q: What is a perfect summer day?
A: The sun is shining, the birds are singing and the lawnmower is broken.
Today happens to be one of those perfect summer days. The lawn is already mowed and I am taking the day off for the beach. This is research as well, of course, as it's been a while since I experienced Ocean City. We've had a very rainy summer. Ginger's story is going to get written one of these days. I'm just not sure when or how.
This morning as I sat in bed drinking my coffee, in the peaceful quiet of my own house, I thought of how I can't stress out anymore about being the perfect mother, the perfect writer, the perfect employee, or the perfect neighbor whose lawn is always well-tended. God gave each of us a certain amount of physical and mental energy. There's only so much we can do. When I was younger, I could blaze through my Saturdays in a manic burst and get everything done. Now I need a nap. Sometimes two naps.
The amazing thing is... when things don't get done, the world doesn't fall apart the way I thought it would. That's partly because I have excellent bosses who know the workload is crazy and are willing to be flexible and even pitch in to help when necessary. Diane and Susan, I love you and I love working for you. It's also because without my ex, God bless him, every little tiny thing isn't a crisis any more.
God is blessing me, too. In little ways, every day I see His grace. There are things that need to change about our lives but I am able to trust the One who knows me best to help me make those changes. I'm waiting on His wisdom and insight.
Have a lovely weekend!
Sunday, June 2, 2013
Chocolate Strawberry Shots
A few months ago a friend posted a photo of these on Facebook and I just had to try them. I believe the original photo came from Erica's Sweet Tooth. They were a huge hit at my party last night. The ladies all drooled over them. Everyone wanted the recipe, so here it is:
1 quart large strawberries
1/2 cup chocolate chips
2 oz. Godiva chocolate liqueur
2 oz. vanilla flavored vodka
2 oz. chocolate syrup
nonstick cooking spray
Start with large strawberries. I bought three quarts and sifted through to find the biggest ones. Wash, pat dry with a paper towel and cut off the tops. They were already hollow inside but I cut extra space in the biggest ones with a grapefruit spoon. The smaller ones will break if you hollow out too much.
Cut the bottoms off the strawberries so that they will stand up. Try not to leave a hole at the bottom of the berry, but if you do that's okay. Just be sure to cover the hole with chocolate. Pat the cut part dry as well. Be certain the berries are dry before you dip them or the chocolate won't stick.
Put a ceramic plate in the freezer to cool it down. This will help keep the chocolate from sticking to the plate. Spray generously with cooking spray.
Melt the chocolate chips in the microwave on 30% power, stirring every 20 seconds. Be sure not to overcook the chocolate. Dip the strawberries in the chocolate and stand up on the plate. Cool in the refrigerator for one hour. You could also put them in the freezer, but don't let the berries freeze or they'll get mushy.
Carefully separate the berries from the plate with a knife or sharp spatula. Fill and enjoy!
(Note: Since I would never in a million years use a full-sized bottle of vanilla vodka, I bought a little bottle from the checkout display at the liquor store.)
1 quart large strawberries
1/2 cup chocolate chips
2 oz. Godiva chocolate liqueur
2 oz. vanilla flavored vodka
2 oz. chocolate syrup
nonstick cooking spray
Start with large strawberries. I bought three quarts and sifted through to find the biggest ones. Wash, pat dry with a paper towel and cut off the tops. They were already hollow inside but I cut extra space in the biggest ones with a grapefruit spoon. The smaller ones will break if you hollow out too much.
Cut the bottoms off the strawberries so that they will stand up. Try not to leave a hole at the bottom of the berry, but if you do that's okay. Just be sure to cover the hole with chocolate. Pat the cut part dry as well. Be certain the berries are dry before you dip them or the chocolate won't stick.
Put a ceramic plate in the freezer to cool it down. This will help keep the chocolate from sticking to the plate. Spray generously with cooking spray.
Melt the chocolate chips in the microwave on 30% power, stirring every 20 seconds. Be sure not to overcook the chocolate. Dip the strawberries in the chocolate and stand up on the plate. Cool in the refrigerator for one hour. You could also put them in the freezer, but don't let the berries freeze or they'll get mushy.
Carefully separate the berries from the plate with a knife or sharp spatula. Fill and enjoy!
(Note: Since I would never in a million years use a full-sized bottle of vanilla vodka, I bought a little bottle from the checkout display at the liquor store.)
Sunday, April 21, 2013
My First 6 Years as a Would-Be Novelist
This February marked the sixth anniversary of my dive into novelling after a very long hiatus from writing for career, marriage and motherhood. I've been thinking about what I learned from this ordeal, which has spanned three career changes, a divorce, and the first six years of my son's education. He is starting middle school next fall, I'm starting life over as a single mother, and my book still isn't done.
So what have I learned? I thought I'd have a ropeful of pearls of wisdom for you. I don't. It really just boils down to three things.
1. It's okay not to know what you're doing.
People kept telling me to trust my instincts and my own process. When you're starting out, you HAVE no instincts nor process. You're watching everyone else and trying to learn as much as you can. That's good! Keep doing it. Eventually you will develop the skill and the know-how to do what you need to do. The writing community is extremely supportive and if you are active on Facebook and comment on blogs, you will make friends who will gladly help you.
2. It takes money, but not as much as you think.
Although you can learn a lot from blogs, networking, writer's groups and such, the broke writer is going to struggle to compete with those who take classes, attend big conferences, and so on. BUT... there are some inexpensive ways to learn. I started out with an adult education class at our regional high school. Later I took a $95 online fiction writing course through the community college that was the best hundred bucks I've ever spent on writing. There are inexpensive local conferences to attend, and even some online workshops you can join for free. Keep your eyes and ears open!
3. Writing is not your life.
People will tell you that it is, but it's not. Your family, your spiritual life, your day job, your home, your friends, your health... all of these things must be taken care of and are essential to a healthy, productive you. Your novel is not worth losing your marriage or your job (because you stay up till 1 a.m. every night and then screw up at work, for example), nor missing your child's soccer games, nor being so isolated you never talk to anyone IRL. (In Real Life.) Writing is an essential part of your life, but it must never, ever take over completely. At the end of the day, a fictional hero will not hold you and you still have to do the dishes, the laundry, and cope with piles of tedious work for your boss. Embrace it. It will keep you real and give you more fodder for authentic writing.
Health is the first muse and sleep is its requirement. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Have a healthy, productive, restful Sunday, my friends.
So what have I learned? I thought I'd have a ropeful of pearls of wisdom for you. I don't. It really just boils down to three things.
1. It's okay not to know what you're doing.
People kept telling me to trust my instincts and my own process. When you're starting out, you HAVE no instincts nor process. You're watching everyone else and trying to learn as much as you can. That's good! Keep doing it. Eventually you will develop the skill and the know-how to do what you need to do. The writing community is extremely supportive and if you are active on Facebook and comment on blogs, you will make friends who will gladly help you.
2. It takes money, but not as much as you think.
Although you can learn a lot from blogs, networking, writer's groups and such, the broke writer is going to struggle to compete with those who take classes, attend big conferences, and so on. BUT... there are some inexpensive ways to learn. I started out with an adult education class at our regional high school. Later I took a $95 online fiction writing course through the community college that was the best hundred bucks I've ever spent on writing. There are inexpensive local conferences to attend, and even some online workshops you can join for free. Keep your eyes and ears open!
3. Writing is not your life.
People will tell you that it is, but it's not. Your family, your spiritual life, your day job, your home, your friends, your health... all of these things must be taken care of and are essential to a healthy, productive you. Your novel is not worth losing your marriage or your job (because you stay up till 1 a.m. every night and then screw up at work, for example), nor missing your child's soccer games, nor being so isolated you never talk to anyone IRL. (In Real Life.) Writing is an essential part of your life, but it must never, ever take over completely. At the end of the day, a fictional hero will not hold you and you still have to do the dishes, the laundry, and cope with piles of tedious work for your boss. Embrace it. It will keep you real and give you more fodder for authentic writing.
Health is the first muse and sleep is its requirement. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Have a healthy, productive, restful Sunday, my friends.
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Book Signing Friday Night, March 1st
212 Bellevue Avenue (Rt. 54)
Hammonton, NJ 08037
I'm looking forward to a cappuchino!
Saturday, February 23, 2013
You may live in Ohio if....
 |
| A field near my parents' home, beautiful in any season |
Having grown up in Cleveland, I find this so true and just had to put it up.
"Jeff Foxworthy has a lot to say about Ohio:
If your local Dairy Queen is closed from September through May, you may live in Ohio.
If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don't even work there, you may live in Ohio. (this is totally my dad!)
If you've worn shorts and a jacket at the same time, you may live in Ohio.
If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you may live in Ohio.
If "vacation" means going anywhere south of Dayton for the weekend, you may live in Ohio. (Or if a vacation means going to Pittsburgh for the weekend)
If you measure distance in hours, you may live in Ohio.
If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you may live in Ohio.
If you have switched from 'heat' to 'A/C' in the same day and back again, you may live in Ohio.
If you can drive 75 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching, you may live in Ohio. (totally!!!!)
If you install security lights on your house and garage, but leave both doors unlocked, you may live in Ohio. (this is for animals, by the way.)
If you carry jumpers in your car and your wife knows how to use them, you may live in Ohio.
If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit, you may live in Ohio. (Totally!!!! ROFL!!!)
If the speed limit on the highway is 55 mph -you're going 80 and everybody is passing you, you may live in Ohio.
If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow, you may live in Ohio. (TOTALLY!!!)
If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction, you may live in Ohio.
If you have more miles on your snow blower than your car, you may live in Ohio. (Also my Dad)
If you find 10 degrees "a little chilly", you may live in Ohio. (Dad)
If you actually understand these jokes, repost this so all of your Ohio friends and others can see, you definitely do live - or have lived - in OHIO!
I would add one more... If you have ever waited for the bus during May finals week and had snow blowing in your hair, you may live in Ohio.
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