I stumbled across the 99th Page Blogfest in my Friday night browsing and couldn't resist entering. I don't even know what is on my 99th page, but you will as soon as I cut and paste some of it below.
You are supposed to think about 3 questions as you read it:
1. Would you turn to page 100?
2. Why or why not?
3. Based on what you read, how likely would you be to buy the book?
(peeking through my fingers)
Okay?.... here we go..
(I can't look)
* * * * *
Faldur took a long drink and splashed cold water on his face, trying to clear the fog in his brain. The fog cleared quickly enough when he pulled his shirt away from his shoulder. He cried out and staunched the fresh flow of blood with the fabric. It was red, swollen and very painful.
Marenya heard him and came running. When she saw him, her face tightened. “Let me.”
She cleaned the wound, stitched it up with a needle and thread retrieved from her sewing kit, then dressed it with faithflower leaves to draw out any infection. When she had finished, Faldur wiped the sweat from his face and reached for the flask of velasz he had recovered from his saddle. He took a searing mouthful, then handed it to Marenya. She was pale and her hand, which had been so steady throughout the process of stitching him, were shaking slightly as she took it and sipped. She coughed as it hit the back of her throat, but her color returned.
Together they went back to where Gorrith lay, and she stitched him up as well. This was a longer, more difficult business, made easier by the fact that he was still deep. Faldur assisted her as well as he could, marveling at how capable her slender fingers were. She used the rest of the faithflower leaves on him, spreading them out carefully over each wound on his chest.
When at last she was finished, Marenya took another sip of velasz. “He’ll be painful and stiff for a while, but he’ll recover.”
* * * * *
excellent page 99 scene. Stuff just happened and now it's the aftermath. The writing is beautiful and it sucks you right in.
ReplyDeleteThanks for joining in the fun.
Nice! I think it's great for the 99th page. I'd be curious to know what else happens after that. Very nicely done! (Now I want to do that. LOL)
ReplyDeleteI like this. Especially what the scene shows us about Marenya's character.
ReplyDeleteThis was an enjoyable page 99. It has the feel of something I would read from beginning to end.
ReplyDeleteThanks for participating!
Hmm; a good scene. I'm not a good judge b/c I'm in love with the idea of Faldur and Maryena; but it lacks a bit of passion, to me anyways. And probably only if this were my first introduction to the novel.
ReplyDeleteLet me temperance this with: although it isn't all excitement; it probably has it place in the novel. At this point. It feel like a transition; the battle has been fought, injuries have been assessed, characters (readers) are in that "beat" between action/crisis scenes that allow a breather. Not a bad place to be at all.
This scene would not encourage me to turn the next page. Faldur and Maryena are not that interesting. However, I would be tempted to turn to a few pages earlier. Because of Gorrith.
Purchasing scenario: Having picked up this book in the fantasy section and randomly flipped to this page; I'd be curious to what sort of creature Gorrith is. He has chest wounds - more than one, yet makes no sound or movement in his "sleep" as Maryena stitches him up. He's not likely mortal if he can "sleep" through his doctoring.
So I'd been flipping through previous pages to find out what the action scene was, and Gorriths role.
The objective is to get a reader to read more and possibly purchase the novel. My hope is that you will make Gorrith a bit more essential to the scene. Faldur is taking care of his own injuries, and Mareyna came from elsewhere AFTER she heard Faldur cry out.
If the intent of this scene is a bonding moment for M and F, then one of them (POV character) needs to have some personal feelings over M, and the condition of Gorrith. For me as a reader, whatever is to happen next needs to be hinted at in this scene. Not just the fact that M is a good nurse. That's "telling".
On the other hand, there really isn't anything wrong with the lack of emotional attachment or specific "showing" in this scene. It may be the perfect lull point for the reader who has made it to this point in the story. Perhaps you should look at what happend immediately before this scene, and what is to happen next before considering any changes.
Did this passive scene accomplish its intended purpose in the overall context of moving the story or character plots along? Is it just one cog in the larger wheel? Will the (continuing) reader be grateful for the respite to assimilate all the prior action, and take a much needed potty or refreshment break before diving into the next scene?
I may not have wanted to see if the "love scene" develops between M and F (I'm not really a romance reader, though I like romance in a novel), but I sure wanted to know what the pages just before this looked like.
Does that count for you as a "page turner?"
.......dhole
Hey Donna,
ReplyDeleteI totally understand/agree which is what makes me cringe about this page. But it is, as you said, a transition passage. I didn't want to go into all the gory medical details, nor overemphasize how either of them was feeling. It was important to show them cleaning up, as you said, in the aftermath.
There is no love scene. But it is a important shift in their relationship. The beginning of him starting to respect her as being a little less helpless than he thought.
He still rejects her in the next chapter, though. 'Cuz you know Faldur. He's just that kind of guy.
Ok it's so tiny, you have hand /were shaking. I stumbled on that for a second. Like the characters and want to turn back more than forward to see what happened. Are the wounds slashes or stabs. You don't stitch a stab usually. Are there other injured bad guys around? Who hurt them? Why was she unaware of the struggle and yet safe from attackers? If they were asleep, why didn't the bad guys finish them off? So see, it raises tons of questions, which is what you Want. Great for a random page in the middle.
ReplyDeleteWow, I'm glad people liked it. I was expecting to get ripped here. I know it needs polishing. Thanks for the catch, HowLynn.
ReplyDeleteThis is actually the morning after the attack. They slept on the ground in the forest and are now trying to figure out what to do next.
It's interesting to see everyone's interpretation!
I would like to find out how they received their injuries and why she is there. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteThe writing is spot on. I am curious about the injuries and about this world. The description is lovely-- just enough, without being over the top.
ReplyDeleteI'd read on.
It's hard to try to jump into the story at this point... but I guess that's the point, right?
ReplyDeleteI think your writing is crisp and clear. Obviously, there's a whole world here that I can only see the tip of, but I like it.