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| I wish I was here. With staff. |
Truly, writers are mad. We torment ourselves with this idea that we are going to produce stories and books made up of fresh, original words that will inspire the world AT THE SAME TIME that we are trying to hold down jobs, take care of children, nurture our spouses, maintain our homes and fulfill the needs of whatever form of plant, fish or animal we share them with.
I frequently find myself in tears at the end of a day, or even at the beginning of it, thinking "I can't do this any more. I just can't. It's too much." The stress not only rips my psyche apart, it is bad for my physical health. I wish I could quit - either writing or my day job. But they are both necessary to my existence.
I find that when I do have some time to myself, such as late last night, I am too frazzled to focus on my writing. It's really just more work. Something Else I Have To Do. And it's got to be great. Professional. Engaging. But the little gray cells ain't got nothin' left at the end of the day. This is why it's taken me five years to write one book which is STILL not finished.
I cannot put into words how humiliating that is.
So I ask you, how do YOU do it?
I completely understand. And the thing is, I continually put my writing last on the list. I'm not complaining - it's my choice. But it's hard. And like you, when I do find a half hour at the end of night, I'm just too tired to sit down and think creatively.
ReplyDeleteThat's why I'm so glad I'm part of the writing community. We can share our struggles and support each other through this crazy journey.
Hang in there, Christine!
I try to treat writing as my version of getting away from it all. I remind myself that I love writing more than anything else in the world - it's what I do and who I am. At the end of the day, if I see writing as one more thing I have to do, I won't do it. If I see it as my reward for getting through another day, I'll do it with enthusiasm.
ReplyDeleteHave you read Natalie Goldberg's Writing Down the Bones? In it, she says:
“We are important and our lives are important, magnificent really, and their details are worthy to be recorded. This is how writers must think, this is how we must sit down with pen in hand. We were here; we are human beings; this is how we lived. Let it be known, the earth passed before us. Our details are important. Otherwise, if they are not, we can drop a bomb and it doesn't matter. . .
We must become writers who accept things as they are, come to love the details, and step forward with a yes on our lips so there can be no more noes in the world, noes that invalidate life and stop these details from continuing.”