It's actually very simple and today I'm going to show you how.
Disclaimer: Follow all of the rules on the package. ALL of them, including the annoying allergy test. If your scalp turns green and your hair falls out, don't blame me. Ahem.
Step 1: Put the plastic cap on your head and poke your scalp dozens of times with a metal crochet hook, pulling the hair through until you look like an orc. If you don't have a triple mirror or eight arms, get a friend to help with this or just do highlights around your face. It does get easier with practice.
Note: If you're having trouble pulling the hair through, poke the hair-puller through the hole in the cap with the hook facing down, twist it halfway, then pull out. If you pull out too much hair, you can slide your finger under the cap to smooth it down and back underneath. You want small strands, not huge clumps, or you'll look like a tabby cat afterwards.
That's what my grandmother said once when I used one of those paint-on kits: "You look like a tabby cat." I laughed. She was right.
Step 2: Put on the plastic gloves, mix the coloring paste together and cover the orc hair with it until you look like Strawberry Shortcake's evil twin, Saccharine Cupcake.
Wait half an hour or so, depending on the color result you want. Your hair will look much lighter than it will after it's washed and dried. If it looks as yellow and brassy as Rumplestiltskin's straw spun into gold, don't panic! It's supposed to be like that. It will look great, I promise.
Most of all, don't leave it on longer than the maximum recommended time. Your hair will be very dry and brittle, and possibly break off, leaving unsightly tufts. You definitely don't want that.
Step 3: Rinse, shampoo, condition well and style as usual. Enjoy your new, subtly brighter look!
Son: "Mom, why are you taking pictures of yourself in the bathroom?"
Me: "I'm blogging. Get ready for bed."
Son: "I can't. You're in the bathroom."
Me: "Okay, okay, I'm done. Think of all the great stories you can tell when I'm rich and famous."