Tuesday, January 1, 2013
This is the year that I am going to get my novel published. This is the year I'm going to define myself as an author and a person.
I'm finally remembering who I am. That may sound funny but it's been so long since I just focused on myself that I wasn't sure any more. So, let's see, who am I? You'd probably like to know too.
I am a Hungarian/English/German mix of stubbornness, logic and idealism. You really don't want to get into an argument with me.
I am a creative soul that lives in rich worlds of imagination. Sometimes I have a hard time focusing on this world. I truly wonder if those people and places don't exist somewhere outside this current realm and we are just channeling them.
I am a statistician. Yes, I am. I count things, estimate them, and think about distributions, underlying assumptions, p-values and so on. It may seem counter-intuitive that a writer is also an analyst, but... Okay I have no explanation for it.
I love the outdoors but the outdoors does not love me. My soul wants to climb mountains, cross prairies and dive into deep, hidden waters. My allergies, sensitive skin and weakling body protest.
I love food. I will try anything, even octopus.
I also love wine and beer, but my tolerance is extremely low.
I am an extravert who wants everyone to read everything I've written as soon as I draft it. This tendency has resulted in quite a few embarrassing expositions of really awful writing, but has also created quite a few fans of my less awful work.
I don't have an abundance of ideas as a writer, but I take the ideas I do have and develop them into sagas worthy of Michener or Rowling. Well, okay, not necessarily that great but they are surprisingly complex.
I like simple things around me: primitive American or colonial decor, for example. I adore handmade pottery, and Celtic designs on jewelry.
I want to live in a log cabin someday. Actually, I want to live in a cabin in Alaska and hunt my own food like that guy on PBS. Not permanently, but for six months or so. I'd have to learn how to shoot first, I imagine.
Most of all, I want to be free to be myself. I want to love and laugh and stop worrying all the time. I don't care what people think; I never really have. People, in general, are caught up in so many things that they need someone to point the way out. I've been caught up for a very, very long time but I'm slashing at the web and almost out. God, it's a good feeling.
Life is a lot of trouble, but we make so much extra trouble for ourselves. There are so many things we can't control. I want to do my utmost to take care of the things I can control, pray faithfully for God to work on those I can't, and then lay it all down and enjoy my life. This philosophy is radically different from the first half of my life, where I felt I owed everyone my soul, including God. If I didn't work hard enough, I wasn't living up to my potential. I was letting everyone down.
You know what? This IS my potential. Yes, we need to work hard. But we also need to live.
Let 2013 be the Year of Living.