Monday, September 6, 2010

Where's Miss Manners when you need her?

Dear Readers, I have a social dilemma.  Perhaps you can give me some advice.

My birthday is approaching soon.  I typically give a tea luncheon for my friends, not mentioning that it is my birthday.  The ones who know me well bring small gifts anyway. I made quiche, cucumber sandwiches, scones, etc. and we have a lovely visit.

This year is a milestone for me and I want to celebrate it. (For one thing, if I don't, I'm going to be mighty depressed on that day!) I want to have the tea at my favorite local tea shop.  But I feel awkward sending the invitations to celebrate my own birthday.  It's not really appropriate for DH to send them, because
a) He's not a tea-and-crumpets kind of guy
b) He won't be attending the event
c) Everyone will know the moment they see the invitations that I wrote them.

A friend offered to help DH a while ago, but she is going through a very difficult divorce, and I just don't feel I can add to her burdens by asking her to do this right now.  But then, she might be offended if I don't ask her.  But if she can't do it, she'll still say "yes" because she's that kind of person, and I don't want to ask.

What should I do? 

* Put DH's return address labels on the invites and pretend I don't know everyone will see through the charade?
* Ask the friend who's getting divorced to send the invites for me, even though I'll feel horribly guilty about it? 
* Just send them in my name and hope everyone doesn't think I'm conceited? 
* Ignore the birthday and just send invitations to tea? 
* Ignore the birthday, and do all the work at home again this year?



  1. I have no idea. I'm a guy. I'd probably send a txt message saying, "Meet me at Stan's tonight for some beer."

    But I will mention this about your friend: Invitations and some girl-time might be a welcome distraction for her.

    And I will mention this about your DH: He might surprise you, if you explain how much it means that he do this thing for you. Just don't make him ~plan~ it, because, and I'm speaking for myself, I stink at planning parties.

    Happy Bday.

    - Eric

  2. Send the invitations yourself asking them to please join you as you celebrate this milestone.

    Besides what friend would not do that. You are not conceited, you just want to share this with your friends.

    Here's hoping you have the memorable 50th you are wishing for. If I was there I'd send those pesky invitations for you. :D
    Jules @ Trying To Get Over The Rainbow

  3. i think its totes ok to send the invites yourself. That's a completely common occurence amongst my family and friends. Also, your friends won't think you're being conceited.

  4. Send the invitations in your name with your address. Ask them not to bring presents but a quote to help you get over this milestone.

    Tell the friend with the divorce, you know what a difficult time this is for her and you didn't want to add to her burden. Tell her next year she can throw you a party with male strippers! lol.

    It's your birthday, you can celebrate any way you want, guilt free.

    Happy Birthday!

  5. Just for the record... I am not turning 50! Not yet, anyway. :o)

    Eric, DH is quite relieved to wash his hands of this whole thing. He really hates planning social events. His suggestion was to take some couples out to dinner, but with the whole divorce thing happening, I'm afraid my best friend will feel very out of place. Plus, I don't know most of the other ladies' husbands except to say hello. We'll still go out to dinner, but I'm doing the tea thing, too.

    I'll think about asking my friend to do the invites. But, still, it's awkward that I made the reservation and am paying for it. I feel like I have to say, "Please help me pretend I'm not throwing my own party!"

    I'll think about it. I'm not sure how long ago she offered to help. Things have gotten pretty rough for her the past couple of months.

  6. I say put your name on it, write them up yourself- if you have good friends who know you, then it shouldn't matter :) If spending time with them is something that will make you happy- then by all means on your birthday make yourself happy.

  7. I'd send the fanciest hand-made invites possible with my scribbling all over it. :) It's a big deal to you and you need to make it HUGE FUN. Your friends will be thrilled to be invited. It's not conceited to want to spend your big day with the ones you love and they will feel honored to have been invited.

    Happy Birthday!!

  8. Those last two sentences could have been combined. I swear I wasn't going to higher word count. :)

  9. Sure, Michelle! ;o)

    I decided to ask my husband how recently my friend had offered to help. He said it was just a couple of weeks ago. More recently than I thought.

    So I emailed her and asked if she still wants to help and would have time to handle the invitations and RSVP's, but also said that I don't want to overburden her and would not be offended if she says no. So it's up to her.

  10. Life is short. If they are truly your friends they will not think you are conceited at all. Send the invitations yourself. Tell your guests that their presence is present enough. Eat two pieces of cake.

  11. Thank you all for your advice. As it turns out, my friend is quite happy to send the invitations. I just need to type up a list for her.

    Have a great week, everyone!

  12. Just send it GF. We reach a certain age where birthdays have no meaning, and then we reach a certain age where they do.

    My sister starts a month early in reminding people it is her birthday on such-and-such day. She doesn't expect presents, but she does expect phone calls, cards, e-mails; whatever her friends and family consider birthday cheer.

    Nope, nothing wrong with letting people know you enjoy celebrating your birthday. It gives everyone an opportunity to celebrate life.

    People need to pary Christine; nice of you to give them the opportunity. Even the guys: they want you to remind them how special they need to treat you. Strokes their ego, ya know?



I apologize for the word verification. I hate it, but the spammers made me do it.