Saturday, January 5, 2013

Sunday Snapshot: After the Dance

I've started rewriting The Golden Gryphon. I was just going to edit it, but it's turning into a rewrite. I'm on page 27 of 371, so a long way to go but it's all good. I'm finding that more emotion flows onto the page now that I know the characters better.

So, here's my Sunday Snapshot. What are you working on? Will you share a sample with me?

As the crowd dispersed from the betrothal announcement, Faldur took her hand as naturally as if he were accustomed to doing so and guided her to a seat in the entry, which was cooled by air pouring through the open doors. It felt lovely after the crush of bodies inside. He moved stiffly.

“Are you well, Faldur?”

“Just a bit sore. It is nothing.”

Worry hitched in her chest. “That looks like Durken’s jacket.”

“It is. Would you like something to eat?”

“Sit and rest. I’ll get some for both of us.”

He huffed out a breath. “I am perfectly well. Allow me, this once, to do my duty toward you.”

She opened her mouth to protest.


There was such earnestness and pained dignity in his weathered face that she acquiesced.“Very well.”

She watched his lean figure merge into the throng heading towards the newly refreshed tables. He wasn’t limping, but he was clearly hurting. Why would he not tell her anything? Her father had hidden nothing from her, or at least she believed he hadn’t. She had been sixteen when he died, barely more than a child. Faldur had helped her and her mother move out of the captain’s cabin at the ranger post to make room for the next family and seen that they had all they needed until Lord and Lady Tarnbel invited them to stay. Faldur had been like an older brother to her all these years, though in her heart something more tender took root and grew unnoticed by him. 


  1. Faldur is one of my favorite hero's, and I look forward to seeing him and Marlena in a published forum. I hope you are undertaking this re-write based on appropriate feedback, not on you own misgivings of the world and its characters. I think I've mentioned before that I think you should submit to Double Dragon.

    However, since you invite an excerpt from fellow authors of what they are working on, I hope the below excerpt is enough like this segment of your novel to intrigue you . . .

    Cupid smiled at the insecure declarations. He knew instantly the couple was of marriageable age and social status; and that Eleni's father had approached several families of more suitable standing for his daughter. Eleni was on the plain side of pretty, and negotiations had not progressed well for her.

    Cletus touched her cheek and smoothed back a stray lock of dark hair. "Shall I save you a dance? Shall I save you all the dances?"

    Eleni laughed and pushed his hand away. "That would be rude. And would indicate a choice had been made."

    Cletus expected to fair well in a marriage arrangement, as he was a talented musician with a soothing voice for ballads, and handsome enough to catch the eye of many wealthy maidens. His aspirations were much higher than a bakers daughter. But he was fond of Eleni. They had kissed as children, and he still remembered the brief touch of her lips against his.

    Cupid closed his eyes as the couple continued their teasing banter. He let their futures flow through his mind, playing out scenarios. He saw that Eleni would fair well in any contract, as she had a heart made for family and perseverance. She would remain faithful and true to any man, but truly had her heart set on Cletus.

    Cletus' dedication to his music would endear him into the hearts of many women, and several divorces. At the end of his days he would regret not marrying to one true love of his life.

    Cupid contemplated his duty to this burgeoning love. Shooting a golden arrow into the boy would solidify the indecision, and pay tribute to Venus, Goddess of love. No force on Earth or Mount Olympus could interfere with the will of Cupids arrows.

    Are you teased into the romance Christine?


  2. Oh, absolutely Donna! It's enchanting. I adore the idea of a love scene written from Cupid's point of view.

    I am making changes based on my misgivings, but I think they are healthy, educated ones. I've known for a long time that the plot was weak in places and that Marenya's character wasn't developed enough, but I wasn't sure how to fix it. Betsy gave me some excellent feedback this fall and along with some ideas that have been stewing, I think I know now what to do to make it really memorable and marketable.

    I just have to do the work. (ugh)

    I've missed you on the interweb, my friend. How are you? I hope 2013 is a fantastic year for you, writing-wise and personally, too.

  3. And you're right, your story is similar to mine. You should bring Cletus and Eleni to Come in Character. Laura and I are trying to get that going again. I miss that forum so much.

  4. the excerpt, Christine. And Donna, (who's a loyal friend of mine as well,) hit the nail on the head with Double Dragon.

    I read over your emotional comment on Olivia's blog and was lured in ;)

    Very nice to meet you.


  5. I'm glad to meet you too, Eliot! Thanks for stopping by. I read your comment on Olivia's blog. I hope you're able to adopt successfully. It's something I've always wanted to do.


I apologize for the word verification. I hate it, but the spammers made me do it.